Betty Windsor is turning 90: whoop-dee-doo!

Betty Windsor & the lion at the zoo

History is moving so swiftly that Betty Windsor has gotten lost in the shuffle but taxing things have been going on in her otherwise indolent life. Willie was accused of being lazy by his helicopter crew mates for not showing up to work. Monarchists rushed to his defense saying he was a young father who wanted to stay home with the kids. Don’t all aristocrats want to take over from the nannies & change nappies rather than engage in gainful employment? So try that alibi next time you want to take a year off work. See if it flies.

Andy, the perennial near-do-well, if not outright reprobate, purposefully crashed his car into a castle gate after it failed to open automatically. In his defense, he was half in the wrapper & unaware of any obstacles. He thought it was just a serf he’d run down & on the wages Betty pays them, they’re easily replaceable.

Betty has kept Harry busy on goodwill adventures all over the world to repair the damage he keeps doing to his public image. She doesn’t want to send him back to Afghanistan for photo ops since last time she did that, he almost singlehandedly handed the war to the Taliban.

Her 90th birthday celebrations are coming up next month & go on for three months with nightly horse shows to console her for having to pass on the horse track & let all those trifectas go by without laying a bet. Camille, her track mate, is inconsolable. There will be a street party for 10,000 of Betty’s closest friends wearing those silly hats that typify the British aristocracy & are historically derived from horse culture–as is the entire culture of the aristocracy.

She recently visited the London Zoo with her good-for-nothing consort to open an Asiatic lion pavilion. Zookeepers thought they’d have to keep some of the lions in isolation during the visit for safety reasons but the smell of all that blue blood was an unexpected deterrent to mayhem. And Phil never once had to be held back from attacking the lions.

Photo is Betty & lion. You shouldn’t have to ask but Betty is on the left.

(Photo from Telegraph)