Irish archaeologists have recently solved an ancient problem in US politics. For too long we’ve thought politicians in many major cities were morphed from the snakes St. Patrick banished in the 5th century. Though they claim Irish ancestry, most Irish eschewed their reptilian ways & wanted no part of them. Neither did those descended from Irish immigrants of human origin. Their corruption & servility to power was unseemly, but mostly it was outright criminal.
So now archaeologists have found the skull of a Barbary ape at an ancient goddess site in what is now County Armagh dating back from the Neolithic period (390 to 20 BCE). The Barbary ape is a species of monkey unique to North Africa & the island of Gibraltar. Speculations are they were brought to Ireland as pets by traders from the Mediterranean area.
Now there’s surely no offense meant to the Barbary ape who by all accounts has a stellar simian nature. The problem is it makes an admirable pet. It may have fled Ireland under the lash of St. Patrick’s wrath since they’re now all gone from Ireland as surely as the snakes. So it’s entirely possible those politicians have some simian mixed with the reptilian, making the unfortunate political mongrel that claims Irish ancestry in city halls across the US.
This is only reported to redeem the reputation of the Irish from US politicians who have maligned it with false claims. It should be made clear, there’s nothing at all wrong with monkeys or snakes nor even a mongrel of the two. But somewhere in that morphing process something went awry, similar to the Frankenstein phenomenon. It was an alchemy of political shame that spawned a cornucopia of stereotypes & parades complete with green beer & phony leprechauns.
(Photo of Barbary apes from Wikimedia. If you look closely enough, you’ll see a distinct resemblance to Richard Daley.)
Ireland has produced some marvelous satiric writers–probably none better than the unintentional ones who think they’re writing political commentary. A contemporary case in point would be Eamon Delaney who calls himself an author, journalist, & former diplomat. We haven’t read his novels but if his journalistic drivel is any guage, Irish literature is in for trouble. Apparently his political commentary isn’t that well received since a conservative magazine he edited only lasted a few years. They blamed its demise on the recession but it may be more because of his idiotic claims that the Irish are “essentially British.”
There’s no public record of his eight years as a diplomat, a post he likely got through nepotism or bribery. But if dates are checked, it’s likely his tenure would correspond to Ireland’s economic eclipse.
Being a second-rate thinker has not stopped our man from prolific commentary & he felt compelled to chime in to defend the unseemly groveling over Donald Trump at Shannon. He lauded, without an ounce of shame, the violinist, harpist, & traditional Irish singer greeting Trump’s entourage coming off the plane. If he’d has his way though, there would have been a chorus of leprechauns too. The Irish officials thought that might me a wee bit over the top, making a gratuitous concession to stereotype. Our man just thought it good craic & said the Irish official greeting Trump treated it as a bit tongue in cheek. He didn’t specify which end of “the Donald” that cheek was on.
Our man is annoyed that the “begrudgers” (by which he means the Irish who object to groveling) are ignoring all the jobs Trump will bring to County Clare. Since there’s no evidence Delaney has ever worried his head about the working people of Ireland we can only conclude he just can’t help himself; he’s an unreconstructed, irredeemable groveler. He also says Trump has transformed New York & Las Vegas & he wants that for County Clare. He can hear the ching-ching of the roulette wheels now & he prefers that to Irish singers any day.
The next time Betty Windsor visits Ireland, she can leave her toilet valet at home & just hire Delaney. Or when he can’t earn a living from writing swill, he could hire out at Trump’s golf course as a leprechaun for tourists.
(Photo from YouTube; please note violist, harpist, & singer on the left. If you want to see how over the top this spectacle was this is the video Delaney posted on his blog–definitely worth a few laughs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE00VMP5w-0#t=67)
First the Irish government fetes Betty Windsor, now they’re fawning over Donald Trump. Is this what Irish rebels died for!? Or are they turning over in their graves so fast they’ve become an important new source of energy?
As far as we know, Irish media isn’t known for radical sympathies but even they took issue with this unfortunate scene at Shannon airport, calling it depressing, a pity, & “pathetic gombeenism of the shabbiest & most insecure kind.” We don’t have a clue what gombeenism is but certainly hope it’s sufficient damnation for such groveling. If it isn’t, we leave it our modern Irish rebels to do it in with justice.
“The Donald,” as this nincompoop likes to calll himself, is there to set up a $50 million golf-hotel complex in Doonbeg, County Clare. There goes the neighborhood.
(Photo by YouTube from IrishCentral.com)